he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
