Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
