I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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