You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
