You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize