In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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