It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
