I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
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She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
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Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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