Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
