I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just found a bag of teeth...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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