did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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