If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
