Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I am spending my child support on dildos
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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