guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
