it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
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