Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
