your parents love me but you hate me
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
