the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
