I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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