the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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