I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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