According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
