I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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