so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
