She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
