so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
