The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
