How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
