Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Can you bring me the toilet please
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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