If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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