i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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