yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
