we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
