I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
