my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
