apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize