On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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