Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
