I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
