I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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