Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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