Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
