im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
