And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
