Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
im on a boat
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