That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
