Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
