Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
