god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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