Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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