It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
