so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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