So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
