We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
