hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
