So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
