your room smells of hookers.
And success
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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