Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
