I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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