i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
and you fell through a lawn chair
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
