i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
