So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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