Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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