Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My feet surprised me
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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