cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning