I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
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