Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then