I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
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They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
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i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though