called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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