dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
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