There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
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i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
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The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Floor bacon is actually really good
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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