Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
