I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
