i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
