Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
