We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
