I could have mohawked her pubes.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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