Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
