I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
