i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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