the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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