guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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