She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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