I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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