I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
