He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
