dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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